Dazed and Confused (people that would rather be high then share their lives sober)

Most people would assume I smoke pot. Everything about my lifestyle fits. I love herbs, flowers, art, music and organic food- what many would call a typical "hippie".Oh yeah, except I shave my armpits and legs and wear deodorant. Except it's like the special sort that doesn't have harmful crap in it. My first experience with marijuana was in high school. I was sitting around in a friend's barn on a beautiful summer day and they were passing a joint around. I inhaled only a little with no reaction. There were a few other times I took a "hit" if you could seriously call it that, I really had no idea what I was doing . . .
All in all though, I've never been high. There have been times I really wanted to start using pot and felt the lure of that lifestyle but I never was able to let myself go that way. The fact that I have a mother who has been a drug addict my entire life may be a very good reason that I have abstained from drugs. I mean, really- I lost my mother because of her addictions and I'll never have that time back again. I'm not a little girl any longer and I grew up, with my stoned and addicted mother out of the picture of my life, never to fully return.
This past summer I had the uncanny experience of being exposed to pot at least ten times. Now, being a mother of three - and what some would call your typical stay at home mom (though never labeled a soccer mom), being around others that are using pot is not a common every day event. However while hanging out in Portland,Oregon its a very common place event.So between hanging out with snowboarders, attending the Oregon Country Fair and meeting up with some musicians- I found myself constantly surrounded by a cloud of Cannabis all summer long. I was always offered it as well, and being that I have had a tough year emotionally, I was surprised at myself for not partaking of this wonderful plant.
Part of me really wished I could just let go and give it a try. But there is some deep scar placed in my soul that says that getting high does more then bring pleasure it also destroys people. I can hear it now, any of you that are reading this that love to smoke up . . . Fine. I know you all have a million excuses why smoking pot is so great. I have no doubt that it brings pleasure and temporary peace. Perhaps if it's smoked once in awhile that may even be ok (if it weren't illegal). There has been a lot of debate about whether or not pot is harmful for the brain. Many studies have seemed to prove that smoking up can lead to taking more serious drugs, loss of concentration, there can be serious psychological affects, addiction, and loss of motivation and so on . . . But whether or not it's harmful physically, how about socially? I mean everyone must think they are having the greatest time while they're stoned and with their friends. But how much of the conversation (if any of it, even makes sense) even matters? What does that say about your relationship with the friends you have and the people you love? "I can only have a good time with you when I'm stoned"?
For me everything came to a head the other night. I had planned to meet a friend who's name I won't mention, downtown Portland. He is a very talented and bright musician, whose music I absolutely love to listen to. His lyrics are clever and thought provoking and his melodies are uplifting. I asked if we could meet so I could hear him play a few tunes before he headed out of town. I was picturing a quiet summer night with the guitar and a beer or two, talking and just enjoying the peaceful summer evening. Instead, after meeting up with several others of his friends, the first priority of the night was to smoke up. I was thinking- great- here we go again. I have spent all summer being surrounded by stoner's it seems. Sure enough it was a very miserable evening for me. If you've never done this before I challenge you-spend a few days just sitting and observing people as they get totally wasted and stoned.
Maybe I've just been around the wrong crowd- but even with a few drinks in me I can tell you it was far from amusing. In fact- it absolutely sucked. I was stuck at some one's house I didn't even know and the one person I came to hang out with didn't even talk to me all night. It was as if I didn't even exist. I suffered through endless rambling that made no sense, while no one there took any interest in me what so ever. Now- I know I am what most would call a "people person". People like to talk to me, open up to me and hang out with me, and I with them. But just as a rule of thumb when people are stoned they could care less about you or anything else that is going on around them. Depending on how often they get stoned they may not start to care about anything period. They may just feel depressed and tired and hungry all the time . . .
After passing up yet another opportunity to get high, I listened to my "friend" talk about how most people call pot the "gateway drug" and he denied that was the truth. The ironic thing is that ten minutes later he and his friend were avidly discussing all the psychedelics they'd taken and how it affected them. You know just simple and safe drugs such as Acid and Shrooms . . . But I suppose these drugs weren't taken as a result of first trying the friendliest of all drugs, marijuana. After all, marijuana is certainly not a "gateway "drug, right? All I know is that my mother was smoking up in high school when she was 16. She and my Father actually met while my Father was selling her pot. Pretty romantic huh?
Like, my dad still remembers where they met in the parking lot in New Jersey, the exact spot. Unfortunately my mother began using other drugs as well. Acid, Crystal Meth, and Weed was just the beginning for her, the appetizer. . . She eventually became an alcoholic and addicted to cocaine.
I also had a friend I met when I was 14 that I really liked. His name was Mike. I remember having a conversation with him about smoking pot when we were just kids. He was also very adamant about telling me he would never do any other drugs besides pot. Sure enough- he did- of course. He got in a lot of trouble and wrote me a letter from a half way house years later, telling me how much he had messed up.
So you can see from experience that I am not very keen on the idea of using any sort of drug as an escape from everyday life.
So that night when I heard my stoned friend give quite the lecture about how if you get high you have to "do it right", trying to justify himself, you can imagine I was a bit frustrated. "You can't do it because you want to escape or because you're depressed, you have to do it as the ancients did, in ceremony, to the God's". So said my friend . . . Yes, that's right. Even though he admitted to me that he was feeling a bit lonely, had no job and is sort of depressed, and seemed to indicate he saw no end to the long road before him, and felt a lack of any purpose- I am quite sure he's not smoking pot on a daily basis to escape reality or feel better. But that it's only a pure, sacred ritual..."Unto the God's" of course.
Needless to say, after sitting and listening to my friend get stoned and drunk for a good three hours, and feeling utterly depressed out of my mind, I felt robbed of a pleasant summer night. Most importantly though, I felt robbed of getting to know another human being better and furthering relationship. In the end only three songs were ever played (that's one song per miserable hour), before he was too drunk and stoned to play anything else. I drove home with a renewed resolution: To always is a hippie of some sort but never, ever to be a stoner.
Anyone can give me their reasons for smoking up. But when it causes you to lose interest in the lives of others, or even life it's self, I can safely say that you may need to re-evaluate why you're smoking at all. I haven't come to a solid conclusion on if I believe pot should be legal or not . . . That's a whole other blog. But whether it's legal or not, it has been my own experience that I have lost a lot of potential relationships to drugs. It goes on my list of unfortunate realities that are in everyday life. Knowing people that would rather be high, then share their lives sober is a sad reality. Parents included.